As a gratitude enthusiast I tend to look back at my career so far from time to time. I see so many different people I’ve encountered on my path. So many people helping me get to where I am today. Some of these encounters have been purely professional – here’s my coach, who just wanted to make me a better player, here’s a teammate who was always there to work together or motivate me if I was down. But sometimes, having a common goal can serve as a way of discovering a more personal connection with another human being. One example of that is the way I look at my former coach – Danilo Mirosavljevic. This Serbian former pro player decided to try his strengths as a coach shortly after suffering a career-ending injury. He became a head coach for the team he himself used to play for – CV Mitteldeutschland Pirates in Germany. That’s where we first met in 2019. I admired the way he approaches coaching and life in general so much that I followed him to another German team the season – VC Bitterfeld-Wolfen. We enjoyed each others company on and off the court and could talk about anything – whether it was the strategy for our next game or the nuances of European and American politics. Danilo recently led the team from Bitterfeld-Wolfen to advance to the 1st German Bundesliga, but decided that it’s time to focus on some other of his projects for now. Even though he puts his coaching board down for now, I wanted to talk to him about that darker moment in his life – the injury that made him change the way he operated. Here’s our conversation:
-Danilo, your decision about giving up coaching was something was something that you were planning for quite some time. You knew that this was going to be your last season, after which you wanted to stop moving around so much and focus on other things in Leipzig. But the time you had now to make that decision was something you did not have when your playing career ended due to your injury. I’m not going to lie – there’s a selfish part in me that wanted to talk to you about that time in your life, just so I can be better prepared for a similar situation, if it were to happen. So, let’s start with the basics of your story: how old were you when you had that horrible injury and what exactly did you hurt then?
-I had an ACL tear coupled with a meniscus tear. The first time it happened I was 25 years old. The second time – which was the career-ender – happened one year later, so when I was 26. You’re asking about preparation, I actually don’t think you can ever be prepared for having something like that happen – you just hope and pray it will never happen. You have to hit the gym and do everything you can to prevent it. Professional volleyball life means total commitment – you’re either all in, or you injure yourself. When I had that happen, the first question for me was “what now?”. Because of course, I knew that this all will end at one point, but as a young athlete, who has been living for these Saturday games every week, for the practices everyday, for hanging out with your teammates, I had some thoughts about what I’d like to do if I had more time, but nothing really specific. And so when you’re being hit by reality in a moment like that, it’s pretty brutal. You’re being thrown into this automatism which carries you through it all, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. You know, you go to the doctor who says “you’re not gonna play volleyball anymore” and he’s off to the next appointment. So you’re left in the office, like “what do you mean?”. And your coach will say “mhm, tough luck” and he’s off to his next practice. So you watch all of that and think that your life is continuing without you.
-You’re just a cog in the machine.
-Yeah, so that was tough. But then you try to recuperate in your base with your family and friends. But I definitely had nothing planned of what I am going to do right after it. For me it was a matter of getting back on my feet. Literally. As in, I couldn’t walk. So, at that point, I wasn’t thinking “oh, what am I going to do now?”, but rather I was more focused on taking six or seven months for myself just so I can properly function physically.
-How much worse was your second ACL tear comparing to the first one?
-It was the same, actually. They were both partial tears. Theoretically, I could choose not to operate. I could try to build up the muscles and even try to play again. The problem for me was that with both tears I had combined 12 months of rehabilitation. The assessment that I got from the doctor after the first tear was not much different from the one after the second one. So in my mind I started having doubts about having some underlying structural issues within some other part of my body, perhaps my hips, or something, because when I completed my rehab, everyone was telling me – your leg looks great, there’s no issues anymore. And yet it happened again. So then you have the following questions to ask: first, is it worth to risk it all again? Should I spend another year of my life on rehab just to get injured for the third time? And lastly, even if I’m willing to do all of that: who will sign a contract with an injured player? And you know the reality of signing middle blockers, right? Try telling any team this “you know, I was pretty good, but the last two years I was out with injuries”.
-Okay, so it was not the doctor telling you “you need to quit playing volleyball”; ultimately it seems like it was your decision.
-Yes. The technicality of it all was this: the first time this happens, they take a tendon from your hamstring to repair that injured knee. The second time it happened, they take it from the patella. But if it happened again, they would have to cut into my right – uninjured – leg. I guess if that happened it would bring some balance – both legs would be bad then – but that for me was a no-go. Because then I really would not be able to walk. But yeah, the doctor never said that it’s impossible to come back from it. He did say it was going to be tough. But the vision of another long rehabilitation, the possibility of another injury and doing all of that to play for 500 Euro per month was simply not worth it. For some people it would be, but for me, at that time, it wasn’t.
-I totally understand that. Do you remember your immediate reaction to both of these injuries?
-Oh yeah, I remember exactly. It’s kind of insane, actually – both injuries happened in the last point of the last preparation games before regular seasons. The first one happened in Poland, the other one in Czech Republic. The first injury was pure shock – it felt like I was landing and my landing just kept on going – my brain couldn’t interpret what was happening. The pain came after. The leg felt like a house of cards falling. So again, it was a big shock and a lot of pain. The second time it happened my brain immediately made the connection: “oh shit, here we go again”. That time it was much worse, because the first time it happened I had no idea what was going on, I thought I just sprained something and, you know, two, three weeks and I’ll be back. I only realized how serious everything was when I started my rehab. Only when you hear the doctor say that you’re going to miss the entire season you realize how bad it is. So, the first time it was this shock and then second it was the thought of “is this really happening again?”. And you there was much more anger at that time, too.
-In neither of these situations you landed on someone else’s foot, right? I was just your own knee giving up on you both times?
-That’s right. And from what I know that’s usually how that happens.
-How is your leg now?
-It has better and worse days, for sure. I definitely still feel that it’s not the same. If I sit too much or don’t do my workout then it gets really stiff. I cannot go from sitting on the street to full on sprints anymore. But it’s mostly about how much I work on it now.
-Let’s go back to your rehab after your second injury: how long did it take you to accept that this is it, that you will no longer play volleyball?
-I guess I told myself that the day after my diagnosis. But words are one thing, the realization is another. And it’s a tricky part of the whole thing, too, because even though I didn’t play anymore after that, I got myself into coaching almost right away, and only now I’m making my decision to leave it all. So I was still a part of that world then, I was still a part of the process. So I guess this never ends, you always kind of stay in it.
-But did you ever even consider becoming a coach before that second injury?
-No, never.
-So it seems like you just couldn’t give up volleyball completely back then.
-That’s exactly right. Once you go deep into your volleyball career you become programmed to achieve, programmed to compete, to progressing, to being on the team. And of course, you’re going to miss practicing your own individual skills, like your off-shoulder shot, but the values you learned through volleyball, you can’t really erase it. I’m not sure I would have been able to make a clean cut to reinvent myself at that moment.
-What were some of your toughest moments in your rehab?
-[laughs] Rehab wasn’t tough for me, because it was a part of the process that I was so addicted to. My thinking was: “today my practice is not on the court, it’s in the physio’s office. But it’s still practice. I’m still progressing, I’m getting closer to my goal”. That’s the mindset of an athlete, always goal-oriented. It was also good for me to go through my rehab as part of a bigger group of injured athletes – some handball and football players from Leipzig. Seeing how much they were pushing themselves was definitely a motivating sight. I guess the only difficult part of that process was when we started talking about our salaries. [laughs]
-Tell me about your transitioning process, how long did it take you to take on some coaching responsibilities? What did that look like?
-The team’s president in CVM told me after my injury that he wants me to stay connected to the team, even if I can’t play. So I took their U-16 boys team under my wing. But the whole season I was coaching them, I wasn’t even thinking that this is something new I’m starting. It was more a thing to get my mind off of my injury and everything that happened. After that I had a small break, tried some other jobs around Leipzig, but I felt that this is too abrupt, that I can’t quit volleyball just yet. And on top of that, you add the fact that when you’re in the volleyball world you feel like you are somebody. And when you give that up, as a Bulgarian immigrant in Germany who doesn’t speak much of the local language, you feel like you’re really low on the social ladder. So I decided to ask to coach the second team of CVM. So then I was an assistant coach for the first team and the head coach for the second team. And the season after that the president asked me to coach the first team myself.
-How did you react to that offer?
-It was a no-brainer for me. I only asked for enough money to survive month-to-month and I took the job, no questions asked.
-Danilo, I’ve got a strange question for you now: imagine that after you fully recovered from your first injury you went to see a fortune teller and she told you that you are going to tear your ACL again. Would you try playing again knowing that you’re going to suffer the same injury again?
-I mean if I had the certainty that it would happen again then of course I wouldn’t play again. But if someone had told me that there is a really big chance, but it’s not a guarantee then I would try to play again, yes. The first time I had that injury it felt like an unfinished job. One incident and I quit? That’s not who I am. I have no regrets of trying to play again after my first injury.
-One last question: Since you’ve decided to take a break from volleyball in general now, since you’re moving onto the “normal” life – what values that you learned through sport are you taking with you?
-It’s probably going to sound cliché, but the work ethic is something you simply must pick up in the sports world if you want to be successful. Time management, knowing when to wake up in the morning, knowing how to structure your day. I’ve learned how to listen – which not everyone knows how to do. I’ve learned how to position myself within the hierarchy of the team. I was never too proud to be upset that I’m not the “top dog”. Fighting for that spot, or the typical “boys want to compete with boys”, I’ve exhausted that chapter in my life. I don’t feel anxious while competing with someone, but I also can choose my own fights. In my last few years of coaching I’ve learned to approach everyone differently, and I’ve learned that my first reaction might not be the best one. Even if my whole body is telling me something within the moment, I take time to breath, sit on it, think about who’s in front on me, how do I approach that person, how do I deal with them specifically. I realize that I still have to get better at it, but at least I’m conscious about it now. And the last thing, which I think is really important, is that if you’re simple and honest with anyone in your life, it will go a long way.
-Damn, does that sound simple, but, man, is it ever true. Danilo, thank you so much for your time and wisdom, I appreciate you.
-No problem, I really enjoyed it!
Court of Wisdom 